The Five Stats of the Apocalypse: A Guide to Not Sucking
By: ewidaria | July 1, 2025
So, you've fallen into the horse girl rabbit hole. You saw the anime, you saw the memes, and now you're here, staring at a screen with five stats and a vague sense of dread. You're trying to turn your favorite PNG into a champion, but she keeps getting stuck in traffic like she's on the LDP at 5 PM. Don't worry, I got you. Welcome to the no-BS guide on what these numbers actually mean.
The Five Holy Stats: More Than Just Numbers
Think of these like your classic RPG stats, but instead of Strength and Dexterity, you have... well, you have these.
SPEED
This is your protagonist stat. It's the big one, the main character, the one with the spiky hair. This stat determines your horse girl's MAXIMUM SPEED. If this number is low, it doesn't matter how much stamina you have; you're just not gonna be fast enough. You need this. End of story.
STAMINA
This is your plot armor. It's how long your Uma can maintain her top speed before she starts gasping for air and running like she's in a slice-of-life anime instead of a sports anime. For anything longer than a mile, if your Stamina is trash, your Uma will be walking by the finish line.
POWER
This is your "shonen protagonist breaking through a wall" stat. It dictates your ACCELERATION and your ability to push through the crowd when you're boxed in. Ever seen your girl get stuck behind a wall of other horse girls and just... stay there? Yeah, that's a low Power problem.
GUTS
The most misunderstood stat in the game. This is the "power of friendship" stat. It affects your last-spurt speed when you're running on fumes. Think of it as that final, desperate push. It's also got some weird interactions with Stamina consumption. It's not useless, but it's definitely the side character of the group.
WIT (INTELLIGENCE)
The secret OP stat. The 5D chess master. High Wit makes your Uma less likely to get "debuffed" (getting angry or unfocused), helps her use her skills more effectively, and makes her better at conserving stamina. A smart racer is a good racer. Don't sleep on this.
Aptitudes: Your Waifu's Built-in Cheat Codes
These are letter grades from S to G that determine how good your Uma is at certain things. You can't really change these much, so you gotta work with what you've got. It's like being born into an isekai with a pre-determined class.
Distance Aptitude
Short, Mile, Medium, Long, and the weird cousin, Dirt. An 'A' is great. A 'G' means she'll run on dirt like she's on ice. You can upgrade these with inheritance, but don't try to make a sprinter into a marathon runner unless you enjoy pain.
Strategy Aptitude
Runner, Leader, Betweener, Chaser. This is her fighting style. A Runner (Front Runner) goes all out from the start. A Chaser (End Closer) hangs back and unleashes hell in the final stretch. Make sure your skills match your strategy, or you're just wasting points.
The Three-Year Training Arc: A General Strategy
So how do you actually train? Here's the game plan.
- JUNIOR YEAR - The Bonding Arc: Forget about stats for a second. Your number one priority is RAISING THE BOND with your support cards. Get those meters to orange. Why? Because that's what unlocks the "Friendship Training" – the rainbow glow that gives you massive stat boosts. Focus on training where your support cards are. More cards = more bond. Simple.
- CLASSIC YEAR - The Tournament Arc Begins: Now you start specializing. You should have some rainbow training popping up. Prioritize those, especially if they're in Speed or whatever main stat your Uma needs. Start paying attention to your race objectives (OBJs). You don't always have to win, just meet the condition (e.g., "finish in the top 5"). Also, the beach training episode in the summer? That's your mandatory power-up arc. Abuse it.
- SENIOR YEAR - The Final Boss: This is it. You're in the endgame now. Keep hitting those rainbow training sessions. Your stats should be looking pretty beefy. Before your final OBJs and the URA Finals, make sure you have enough Stamina for the distance. Nothing feels worse than being in first place and then watching your girl run out of gas 100 meters from the finish line. It's pain, pure pain.
Conclusion
And that's basically it. The game is a beautiful, chaotic mess of RNG, planning, and praying to your waifu's JPEG. Don't be afraid to fail. Your first few runs will probably be garbage. That's okay. Every failure is just data for your next run. Now go out there and get that Umapyoi. You've earned it... probably.